Saturday, May 9, 2015


"There's nothing I can do without the decision from the court of appeals. They are backed up since they lost so many judges. You are lucky you've only been waiting 2 years."- And just like that, I was dismissed from the courtroom, made to continue playing the waiting game for my daughter's permanency.

This will be my 5th Mother's Day.

     I became a foster/resource parent years ago with the intent to adopt right from the start. Though it's not agreeable for everyone, fostering and adopting is something that came very naturally to me. My mother was a foster parent. I have many adopted siblings. We were always treated equally. At home, we were very open about adoption. I was exposed to "the system". I knew the statistic and was aware of the desperate need for resource families all over our nation. With that in mind, I always wanted to be a mother.

      Fast forward years later when we were finally ready to become foster parents. House- check, careers- check, baby.....? Not happening biologically, but it was ok because my husband and I had already planned on fostering/adopting anyway. We went through the very tedious and at times intrusive process of becoming certified foster parents. Background checks, fingerprints, medical clearance, the long MAPP training, the homestudy... Everything was in place. Our house was finally ready for a child.

      Months go by, and we were finally placed with our little girl. She has been placed in so many homes before, that right away she called me "Mommy". She had gone through so much at only 2 years old. I wanted to make sure that she knew she could count on me from that point forward. I doubt she believed me, I'm sure she's heard that before. I had to show her. Her plan was to be reunited with her mother. They had scheduled weekly visits, but her mother would seldom show.  So, I made it my life to meet her special needs, and advocate fiercely for her. She had our undivided attention for a year before she became a big sister.

      We'd learned about my eldest son through a family friend. His mother, who I knew from my building, was pregnant with her 15th child. She wasn't in any position to keep that child, and the state was going to intervene anyway. We gladly became the resource for that unborn child. We knew from the beginning that he would be our son. I remember the night he was brought home was one of the happiest days of my life. His birth mother had no interest in him... Which was great. He didn't need her, he had us. He didn't get to experience the loss that our daughter unfortunately did.

      Surprise! Our son's BM is pregnant again! We were faced with the decision whether or not to open our home and hearts for another. At first, the idea of having two babies a year apart made us hesitant. That hesitation was brief. We agreed. I picked up our youngest son from the hospital myself. He was perfect.

      We decided that I would stay home to raise our kids. If we go through the trainings and process of being resource parents, let me parent. My husband's work schedule demanded more of his time, and eventually he gave in. He lives to work above everything. Unfortunately, after 10 years, my husband and I parted ways. Though I am left to do things on my own, it's ok. My children need me now more than ever, and I won't let them down.

     A week before my daughter's adoption was finalized, I get a call from my lawyer that everything has been put on hold. Why? Her birth father appealed the decision to terminate his rights. The man who has never met her, who is in jail for murder. He claims he didn't know that she exists, so he'd rather not have a TPR on his record for an illegitimate child. Two years have passed, she is now 7, and we still do not have an answer from the court of appeals. Her case sits in limbo, and everyone's hands are tied. Apparently, there's a shortage of judges to the mountain of files. All those families waiting. I am seething in frustration and anger with this system. It feels as if the humanity and compassion is directed towards the wrong party. It's geared towards protecting the rights of the birth parents, which is fine to a certain point. There's got to be a limit. What about the children? What about cases like my daughter's? I insist that something's got to change.

       We are so excited about traveling the world, but for now... We wait.

Written By Ketsy

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