As I usually do, I had the news on this morning while I got ready for work. I wasn't paying all that much attention until the words "new miracle IVF treatment" broke through my thoughts.
I've seen three different doctors about IVF treatments so far and one told me I'm too old and have a less than 1% chance of success. Another told me I'm too fat and too old right after she told me and my husband that genetically I'm a 10. In other words that baby I can't possibly have would have been perfect. (Why couldn't she have lied to me and said that I carry something awful!?!) The third just wanted to spend as much of my money as she could. I was willing to give it a try anyway until I found out it was more than $20,000 per cycle and I would likely need about 5 cycles to be successful.
It was at that point that I started thinking about adoption and researching on the internet, but I couldn't shake the feeling of loss over not having a biological child. So while I was on the internet I looked for a support group. I found this group and looked at the description over and over again but did nothing. Somewhere around a month later I finally got up the nerve to send a message. I know that sounds silly but in my mind, until I made contact with the group, I could pretend, "Maybe this month it will work and I haven't failed at the most basic function of being a woman." Within a very short time I got a response from a woman that made me feel like we had been best friends our whole lives. I started attending meetings, making new friends and learning new things including that there are grants and ways to save on the cost of IVF. (Unfortunately I don't qualify for any of them)
On this news program, the new miracle treatment is for people with old or weak eggs... (OMG they're talking right to me!) The couple they interviewed are the parents of the first baby from this new treatment and they did it in one cycle! (At this point I'm all ears, I'll get ready for work later!) Then they pull the rug out from under me again. This new, amazing treatment is about twice as expensive as regular IVF and not available in the U.S. and probably won't be for many years.
I'll admit, I was a little crushed at the end of the report but I'm also a little happy because not too long ago I would have been a big puddle of tears at that moment but this time I thought of my group, how I have other options and most important of all,
I AM NOT ALONE!!!
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