Friday, July 3, 2015

"Are They Twins?"

This is the question we get asked constantly when we’re out with our girls. We have two five year-olds and a 2 year-old. The five-year olds were born nine days apart (see my previous blog for that story!), so they’re considered “virtual twins”. We’re the same race as out girls so we never thought the topic of adoption would come up so often when we left the house, but it does.

When they were infants, they were both about the same size and had similar coloring, so whenever I took them out, total strangers would ask “are they twins?”. For some reason, people are fascinated with twins and feel the need to comment.

Here’s how the conversation would go:
Stranger: “Are they twins?”
Me: “No”
Stranger (with a confused look on their face): “Well, how far apart are they?”
Me: “Nine days”
Stranger: “How did you manage that?”
Me: “We adopted”

What I really wanted to say was “Well, it was a long labor”, but I never had the guts to do that.

But for most people though, I would end up telling the kids’ whole story. I found that when you open up about some struggle in your life that people start telling you about their struggles as well. When people found out we adopted, some would talk about how they adopted or about their IVF attempts. I spoke with one girl who even had the same fertility doctor as me. Of course we also had the people who said “God Bless You”, or “what a great thing you’re doing” – as if the girls were so lucky to have us. But as any adoptive parent knows – we’re the lucky ones!

Now that the girls are older, and they’re different heights, we don’t get the “are they twins?” question as often, but when we do, I’ve been starting to cut back on who I tell their story to. I don’t want them to feel like they’re a curiosity or I’m revealing too much personal information to people we just met. At some point I’ll ask them how they’d like us to answer, but for now I’ll say no and continue to work on my come-backs.

Written by Allison
Adoptive Mom

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