Wednesday, July 22, 2015

I Can't Do This (Part III)

The moment has arrived.  I was now about to venture into pain and agony of another kind.  At that moment I realized I had watched way too many movies over my lifetime and I had a false sense of what I thought would happen.  Beauty and love and I would look amazing and my hair flowing... NOPE not at all!! 

When the doctor came in at 1:50pm and said ok let's get ready to start pushing, I began to shake and my teeth started to chatter like I was cold but I wasn't!  Fear!  All I can say is fear!  I hate to be so honest but I thought after all these years of bad luck, this would be the live all end all of bad luck and my child would not make it to see my face.  I didn't want to be so negative but to me it was reality and I lost so much before so why would this moment be any different!

I began to do what the doctor said and it came pretty natural what I was doing.  Guess the movies helped somehow. After awhile we finally got to the point where the baby was sort of out and all I heard were the words the cord is wrapped around its neck and then a pause...I didn't look ... I didn't move... I kept my eyes closed knowing that if this was the bad luck moment well I would be ok and I could survive!  I was afraid and tried whatever I could to talk myself through this!!  After about what it seems to be a few seconds, I heard the doctors say push!  I knew by the sound of the doctors voice we were in the  clear and I pushed and it was out! I finally raised my head at the last second to see a little tiny weenie sticking up at me.  A boy!  I have a boy! Another baby boy!  This one a little less tan than the first!

The shock was still there... I didn't cry tears of joy nor did I do a happy dance. I just looked at Josette and said "there's a baby over there!"  She giggled at me like usual.  "They're not gonna make me sign for this one huh?"  Josette laughed at me again knowing full well I was not used to this process at all.  For years I have been an adoption support group leader and I help teach new members how the adoption process works... So for me I know nothing else but adoption paperwork!  This was so weird.  I was even shocked on how you get a social security card - you fill out paperwork while your at the hospital and then a week later you get a card!  Easy!! There was no waiting a year or getting a TIN number or calling the offices a thousand times to tell at them for getting it lost somewhere and it's an original!! (That's a whole other blog entirely)! 


I have been asked by many about how the bonding process was for me now that I know both sides of building a family - adoption and pregnancy. My answer is simple - I feel like I would be comparing apples to oranges. My first son was handed to me at an agency in a conference room and I had to wait 8 weeks - yes 8 weeks before we knew he would be ours!!  (Yes we had some difficulties to say the least).  And now I was at a hospital with a biological child that just came from me and is using my body to get food!  Of course I was going to bond with my second son faster.  They had SUCH different stories of how they came into our family. But in the end we are all family no matter how we got here!

Well I don't need to say more about the process of what happened at the hospital except the one piece that meant more to me than giving birth - having "L" meet "A"!!  Before we left for the hospital we had to explain to "L" that mommy was going to have the baby now and it would be coming out of her tummy.  And your safe with nana!  He didn't get it at all but he was ok for the time being.  I took pictures of him and I together with him kissing my bump and sharing in the last moments of being a family of three.  I took a selfie of our last nap together on the sofa to mark a special moment of my little boy becoming a big brother!

It was time to bring "L" in to meet the baby.  I have seen tons of pics of my friends in the hospital after having a second child and the family shot is so wonderful and special!  Well... we are who we are and our picture looked terrible ... "L" couldn't keep still and wanted to wear the surgical gloves and masks and could care less about a baby! Ha! The moment was not what I thought it would be - but really is it ever?

So our journey of "starting" a family came to a close and a world of family of four opened.  I look back at the 10 year journey and I think of all we went through. All the things that my sons will NEVER comprehend.  Thankfully. Hopefully. It was a terribly hard journey and I will never forget the pain and agony we felt for years.  When people call me today I try and remember how I felt at that moment - the IVF failure or the adoption call came. 

You can never understand someone until you are in their shoes but in this case on this topic  I CAN UNDERSTAND!!! 

Now to explain to my adopted son about procreation EEEK!

Written By Chemene
Support Group Co-Leader
Adoptive Mom

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