The moment has arrived. I was now about to venture into pain and agony of another kind. At that moment I realized I had watched way too many movies over my lifetime and I had a false sense of what I thought would happen. Beauty and love and I would look amazing and my hair flowing... NOPE not at all!!
When the doctor came in at 1:50pm
and said ok let's get ready to start pushing, I began to shake and my
teeth started to chatter like I was cold but I wasn't! Fear! All I can
say is fear! I hate to be so honest but I thought after all these
years of bad luck, this would be the live all end all of bad luck and my
child would not make it to see my face. I didn't want to be so
negative but to me it was reality and I lost so much before so why would
this moment be any different!
I began to do what the doctor
said and it came pretty natural what I was doing. Guess the movies
helped somehow. After awhile we finally got to the point where the baby
was sort of out and all I heard were the words the cord is wrapped
around its neck and then a pause...I didn't look ... I didn't move... I
kept my eyes closed knowing that if this was the bad luck moment well I
would be ok and I could survive! I was afraid and tried whatever I
could to talk myself through this!! After about what it seems to be a
few seconds, I heard the doctors say push! I knew by the sound of the
doctors voice we were in the clear and I pushed and it was out! I
finally raised my head at the last second to see a little tiny weenie
sticking up at me. A boy! I have a boy! Another baby boy! This one a
little less tan than the first!
The shock was still there... I
didn't cry tears of joy nor did I do a happy dance. I just looked at
Josette and said "there's a baby over there!" She giggled at me like
usual. "They're not gonna make me sign for this one huh?" Josette
laughed at me again knowing full well I was not used to this process at
all. For years I have been an adoption support group leader and I help
teach new members how the adoption process works... So for me I know
nothing else but adoption paperwork! This was so weird. I was even
shocked on how you get a social security card - you fill out paperwork
while your at the hospital and then a week later you get a card! Easy!!
There was no waiting a year or getting a TIN number or calling the
offices a thousand times to tell at them for getting it lost somewhere
and it's an original!! (That's a whole other blog entirely)!
have been asked by many about how the bonding process was for me now
that I know both sides of building a family - adoption and pregnancy. My
answer is simple - I feel like I would be comparing apples to oranges.
My first son was handed to me at an agency in a conference room and I
had to wait 8 weeks - yes 8 weeks before we knew he would be ours!!
(Yes we had some difficulties to say the least). And now I was at a
hospital with a biological child that just came from me and is using my
body to get food! Of course I was going to bond with my second son
faster. They had SUCH different stories of how they came into our
family. But in the end we are all family no matter how we got here!
I don't need to say more about the process of what happened at the
hospital except the one piece that meant more to me than giving birth -
having "L" meet "A"!! Before we left for the hospital we had to explain
to "L" that mommy was going to have the baby now and it would be coming
out of her tummy. And your safe with nana! He didn't get it at all
but he was ok for the time being. I took pictures of him and I together
with him kissing my bump and sharing in the last moments of being a
family of three. I took a selfie of our last nap together on the sofa
to mark a special moment of my little boy becoming a big brother!
was time to bring "L" in to meet the baby. I have seen tons of pics of
my friends in the hospital after having a second child and the family
shot is so wonderful and special! Well... we are who we are and our
picture looked terrible ... "L" couldn't keep still and wanted to wear
the surgical gloves and masks and could care less about a baby! Ha! The
moment was not what I thought it would be - but really is it ever?
our journey of "starting" a family came to a close and a world of
family of four opened. I look back at the 10 year journey and I think
of all we went through. All the things that my sons will NEVER
comprehend. Thankfully. Hopefully. It was a terribly hard journey and I
will never forget the pain and agony we felt for years. When people
call me today I try and remember how I felt at that moment - the IVF
failure or the adoption call came.
You can never understand someone until you are in their shoes but in this case on this topic I CAN UNDERSTAND!!!
Now to explain to my adopted son about procreation EEEK!
Written By Chemene
Support Group Co-Leader
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