Sunday, July 5, 2015

I Can't Do This...

Each person has their own story to tell and each person feels their story is unique.  As i do... so here is the unique side to my story.

In January 2010 we adopted my son!  After many years of IVF and losses our journey to parenthood was over!! Thank goodness!  The relief and sighs were felt across the Atlantic!! In 2011 my son became ill and started having his seizures which I have talked about in a previous blog.  ?????? The journey to finding out his disorder was long and grueling.  We put our health and issues on the back burner like every parent would.  After my son was diagnosed and we were on a road to stopping the seizures, I finally remembered that my husband and I hadn't been to a doctor in a couple years for a check up.  I was having some issues each month where I would throw up all the time.  My migraines were getting even worse and my acne (yes acne) was growing every where! I scheduled my OBGYN Appointment for February to discuss pre-menopause concerns especially knowing my mom started at an early age.  I knew I would throw up more around ovulation time and my cycle time ... So I was figuring my hormones were to blame! In January 2013 rick and I went to see the general practitioner for our annuals.  Last time we went there was about 3 years before to get our prescription of good health for our home study!!

As part of the normal routine we got the typical tests done.. heart, blood pressure, nerves, and blood work.  Over the next week I remember feeling really sick and I told Rick that I hope he would understand that when I saw my OBGYN that if I can see if I get my ovaries removed that I would in a heart beat.  The headaches were debilitating and the throwing up was getting more difficult to control with having a child around.  I prepared myself happily to do anything to stop these terrible symptoms of pre-menopause from happening and causing issues for my body.  My family was complete and I was ready to move on! 

Well my plan didn't work out as i found.  A week after the blood tests, I found out I had celiac disease.  I knew a little about the disease like no wheat but when I found out that I had to go gluten free and do it cold turkey, well that was not easy.  I started to read anything and everything on going gluten free (GF).  I joined this one group on Facebook; The Celiac Foundation, and every week they would ask the question "what was the strangest GF find this week?"  It was the best and worst question for a celiac patient.  I found out that besides cookies and bread and OREOS (yes OREOS), and pizza, I now had to change the following:

my toaster (for cross contamination)
my shampoo
my hair spray
my hand sanitizer
my maxi pads!!! WHAT!!
my plates made of plastic (the coating is sometimes made from wheat based ingredients)
my nail polish
my lotions
my makeup
my chocolate
my coffee!!!
my wine!!!

I could go on forever! I was literally in shock!  I thought i could get away with NOT changing some things but come to find out I was breaking out all these years over my back and arms from my hair products! Well the next 2-3 months were brutal.  I didn't want to eat anything and I was starving. I was terrified that I would die or something from food.  Slowly but surely I found how to substitute things and get the cravings satisfied. I had to try so many things and make so my mistakes but I did it.  I lost 25 pounds pretty much right away; i stopped getting acne; i stopped throwing up all the time; and my migraines went away.

Well i also learned a few other things too.  One night while doing my research I came across a picture and it listed all the symptoms that celiac disease can cause.  

One stood out - I mean REALLY stood out.  It said that it can cause miscarriages and infertility!!!! I sat on my bed that night and turned to my husband and said "if this is what caused all our issues, I am going to kill someone."  Ok not literally!  He simply replied, "how the heck are we ever going to know if that is what caused our issues."  He was right!  I couldn't go back in time and see what would have happened.  But it hurt to know that there was another question tacked on to the hundred others of WHY we couldn't have biological children.  OH WELL!

Fast forward 5 and half months... every year our support group goes on a camping trip for the kids.  This was our 3rd annual trip to a place on Long Island.  One afternoon we all went to the playground and the adults chatted while the kids played.  Now my son had to be watched a bit more than others since his seizure condition left him with vertigo and he fell a lot more than "typical" child.  He played nicely with his friends on the jungle gym but at one point he got too close to the edge and he began to fall.  I jumped up onto the gym and whacked my head very hard on a bar above me (which of course I didn't see).  The pain was terrible and I couldn't help but cry.  After a few minutes and some much needed ice, I felt better.  It hurt and left a nasty bump but I never thought anything of it.  We left for home the next day and everything was fine.  The following morning is when I woke up spinning!  And I mean really spinning! My brain just felt like it was on a spinning ride at an amusement park and i could tell my eyes were actually going back and forth. I knew what it was but never knew how bad it was...VERTIGO!  I couldn't walk without throwing up and I couldn't reach my phone.  My husband had already left for work and my poor son was so confused.  I crawled down the hallway and while holding onto a bucket throwing up and had my son find my cell.  I texted my mom that i needed help and she and my dad came right over.  My dad rushed me to the ER while my mom stayed with my son.

The doctors in the ER tested me for signs of a stroke that resemble vertigo. And they took tests and blood and they tried to get urine but I couldn't get up.  Finally after 2 hours and a couple of meds later, I was able to give them urine and the throwing up started to slow down.  At this point the ER doc came in and drew the curtain back, stood over me and said, "I have some interesting news for you."  Of course i started throwing up again thinking that he was just about to tell me I was going to die.  He said, "you're pregnant!"  My dad, who was sitting at the bottom of the bed, spit with laughter.  I, on the other hand, said, "with who?"  What did I say that for?  Of course I knew with who but when, how, why??  I told him I couldn't be pregnant, I run an adoption support group and they would be pissed, I'm an adoptive mom and I have miscarried too many times before.  What I was saying made NO sense!  But I did manage to eventually say to him, "listen I have had a few very bad miscarriages and all my pregnancy tests were wrong so you can't look at the urine as the right test."  Well guess what I was wrong again.  The nurse came back about 30 minutes later and asked how I was doing.  I said I would be better if I could find out about the blood results.  She said oh those came back awhile ago you're very pregnant!  OMG!  Help!  I was 42...I couldn't do this... I didn't want a baby now ... I had my baby...  We just started to plan our trip to England next year.  I was panicking!! This was NOT what I thought was going to happen at this point in my life.

Stayed tuned to find out the second half of my journey!

Written By Chemene
Adoptive Mom
Group Co-Leader

Join us at our next support group meeting!  Check out our website for details!

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