Sunday, August 30, 2015

"Mom, I Really Want a Baby Brother"...

"Mom I really want a baby brother, why doesn't god hear my prayers?" He does honey but everything happens when it's supposed to happen.

I never in a million years thought we would be presented with an opportunity to adopt again. So in October of 2014 we went to Disney and had the best vacation. A few weeks go by after we get home and I'm sitting at my dining room table going over my birthday party invitation list. My husband was throwing me a "surprise" party for my 40th in February. And he kept asking for a list. That's when I came across Lisa's name. She's a friend through the internet that I have known for 15 years but never met. We were in a infertility group together. She now has 7 adopted children through the foster care system.

Anyway, I come across her name and I say hey Lisa do you think you and Dan would like to come to my 40th birthday party in February and she says "maybe this does give me enough time to find a babysitter". But then she says "well unfortunately I just had an argument with my friend who usually babysits". I said "oh what did you argue about?" She said "oh she told me she was pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption and we had an argument".

Immediately my mind starts wandering and I say "oh really and who is adopting the baby?" She said she didn't know. So of course I ask her if I could look the girl up and what her name was and was she on Facebook and was it OK if I messaged her. She told me her name and said "sure go ahead". (This was a Sunday night).

On Monday I went to work like nothing happened.  Lisa messaged me and said  "hey did you hear anything?"  I said "no".  Lisa said "well maybe I should text her". I said "sure go ahead". Next thing I know Lisa gives me the expectant moms cell phone number.

I immediately text her and we start texting back-and-forth for several weeks. Just basic conversation what's your favorite movie? Your favorite food? What do you like to do with your free time? She had a four-year-old daughter at the time so we talked about her; really nothing to do with the baby in her belly and her current situation.  I just really wanted to get to know her. We decided that we would meet at our mutual friend Lisa's house on Thanksgiving weekend. It couldn't have gone any better. We became instant friends it was such a nice weekend that we discussed the idea of her coming to my house for Christmas. Which meant that her and her daughter would come and stay with Jeff and I for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day meet both of our families and wake up here Christmas morning. We couldn't be more excited to welcome them into our home and into our hearts after all she was going to make my son a big brother.

Jeff and I went shopping and purchased a stack of presents for her daughter. We wanted her to feel like Santa came here for her as well. Christmas morning was perfect all I could think was next Christmas we will all be doing this together again only with the new addition. Open adoption is just a natural thing for me.

I'll call this expectant mom "L". Not only did Jeff and I invite her into our home and into our hearts but we retained a lawyer. We retained a lawyer for her. We became certified to adopt again and as a matter of fact we became certified on my exact birthday. I thought my gosh this couldn't be any more meant to be. We gave her money for a car. We bought her maternity clothes and food and helped her with her rent for three months.

My job gave me a huge baby shower as a sendoff because I was quitting. I was going to be a stay-at-home mom again. We weren't looking to adopt. We were happy with just having our son but this fell in our laps and we were over the moon.

L reassured me over and over and over again that she is absolutely not changing her mind and that we had nothing to worry about and that we should go ahead and we should register and we should set up his room and we should pick out his name and that we were bringing a baby home from that hospital. I never doubted it. I 100% in my mind was bringing home a baby. My son was finally going to be a big brother. We were going to be a family of four.

L had a scheduled C-section on February 24, 2015. Jeff, myself and Lisa were all there waiting for the baby to arrive. I'm standing in the hallway with my phone on video waiting for the doctor and the nurse to come out of that surgery room pushing a bassinet. When we adopted our son, we adopted through an agency so we never had the experience of the hospital. I was nervous, scared, anxious and excited. I couldn't wait to see his face and to see what he looked like.

And then it happens the doors open and out he came. I caught on video saying "Jeff here he is, here he is, can you believe it! Can you believe it??" I follow the nurses and the doctors through the hallway into the nursery.  I see him get weighed. I see them clean him up and then I'm the first one to hold him and it was all surreal. All of our family and friends were texting and calling and I was facetiming with our son and showed him video of the baby and pictures of the baby and saying here is your little brother. But something just didn't feel right. I couldn't describe it. 

L moved herself onto a different floor as not to hear babies crying, which I understood. Jeff and I took turns running up and down between floors to spend time with L and with the baby. After we left the hospital that night L had texted me and said that she wanted to see him the next day. I encouraged her and told her she should see him and that she should hold him. It was natural and I would never take that away. I asked her what she would like for breakfast, she said she was in the mood for strawberries pineapple and a latte from Starbucks. So Jeff and I ran around that morning and made sure she got what she wanted.

When I walked into her room she was getting ready to go downstairs to see him. The look on her face told me she wasn't thrilled to see me at that moment. But I ignored it. The nurse never came to take her so I got a wheelchair and I took her downstairs myself.  I wheeled her to the nursery and I saw her face when she first saw his face. I left and gave her the time she needed and deserved. I was so nervous I texted my friend Josette for her reassurance. After about 40 minutes I knocked on the door of the nursery and I asked if it was OK that I came in. L said yes and I went and sat next to her. She was still holding the baby and my stomach was in knots. I felt something was off but kept ignoring it. The baby received a hearing test while in her arms. The whole time we were talking having regular conversation and then she starts telling me how we shouldn't let our son run our household and criticizing our parenting. It was all very bizarre.

Jeff had to run to Walmart to get a car seat because we had borrowed a pink one from a friend just to take the baby home from the Hospital. But he didn't want to take him home in a pink car seat; so he went to Walmart and purchased a new car seat.  She began saying "I don't know why he wouldn't purchase a car seat/stroller combo - is he cheap??" That's when I knew something was definitely wrong. She never spoke to me like this. And she was still holding the baby. 😒

That night we went back to our hotel room. I didn't feel good. I had a headache and a sore throat. So I fell asleep. The next morning my phone was going off at 6am. It's Lisa!  She was frantic telling me to call her ASAP. So I call and she's crying saying our worst nightmare has come true. I'm said Lisa what are you talking about??? At this point Jeff is awake and asking me what's going on. She said "L is keeping the baby, L is keeping the baby". I screamed "whatttttttt?? No f--king wayyyyyy, there must be a mistake". But I knew, I knew from the moment I walked into her room when she was getting ready to see him. I knew by the way she started talking to me. I hung up with Lisa and called L. No answer. I texted her, no answer. I texted her mom, no answer. I called her lawyer that WE hired and she confirmed it was true. I dropped the phone and fell into the bed and cried my eyes out with Jeff. I cried and cried like someone died. I cried for my son who I had to tell was NOT going to be a big brother anymore. How do I do that?? How do we go on from here?? I cried because I felt like a damn fool. Everyone had doubts but me.

To be continued...

Written By Dina

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