Friday, August 21, 2015

TIme To Adopt Again (Part II)

So last I wrote I left you with a cliff hanger.  P, the expectant mother we were working with, had the baby, we missed the birth, and we got a text from P that she had a surprise for us. Twins?  Red head?  A boy?  Assuming it was a boy (she knew she was having a girl), at 8am after driving 12 hours we start talking boys names.  We were all prepared with a girls name and some pink clothes.  Let's just say the conversation was based on delirium after being in the car so long!  It was entertaining to say the least! 

We get to the hospital, go into P's room and there she is holding this beautiful, perfect baby boy.  She hands him right to us.  It was such a beautiful moment.  This was also so different for us than our first experience.  We didn't spend time with K with the baby.  This time around, We didn't know how to act.  I didn't want to seem to excited out of respect for P, but was nervous to not show to much joy, I wanted to be real.  That whole duel emotions of adoption is tough.  You feel this overwhelming feeling of grief and sadness for this beautiful woman that is making a choice to place, that you know is ripping her heart out.  At the same time, you are looking at this beautiful baby that didn't ask for any of this, that is just waiting to be loved and cuddled.  You feel the Mommy inside you yearning, but pull back because you are not this child's Mommy yet.  And the truth is you don't know if you will or won't be.  The last thing we wanted to do was make P feel that she had to place now if she were to change her mind.

I think that was the biggest difference for me for the second adoption.  I educated myself so much more after our oldest adoption.  I had a relationship with his first mama and her family.  I believe I said to P multiple times that if she were to change her mind and wanted to parent that she needed to just say so, because we would understand.  The desperation was gone.  I felt for her as a mother even though I didn't give birth to D, I understood.  I didn't understand before our first adoption. You think you do, but you really have no idea until you are a mom. 

Anyway, I digress, baby J stays at the hospital another day with P.  We stay and go throughout that time.  When it's time for them both to be released we all leave together and we drive her home.  That was really hard to watch her say goodbye.  Although instead I used my Kindergarten teacher in me and gave her something meaningful to say instead (she stated no goodbyes), toot-a-loo kangaroo.  That was the hardest drive away ever!  Again that duel emotions of adoption kicking in. 

So through this whole process this time around, P and I discussed an open adoption similar to what we have with our oldest's first family, open communication, pictures and visits when can.  That's exactly what we wanted and she was thrilled with that.  So it was only natural that the day before we were leaving we picked up P and her oldest daughter (17 at the time) and brought them to lunch so they could see baby J.

And so began our 2nd open adoption.  Our journey continues as we are just returning home from a visit.  I will share with you in future blogs as our journey continues.

Written By Josette
Adoptive mom of 2
Group Co-Leader
Special Ed Teacher

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