Thursday, September 3, 2015

"Mommy, I Really Want a Baby Brother" - Part II

Everyone had doubts but me....

Through the tears there were phone calls with family. I remember calling my sister and telling her that she was right and I was wrong she had a feeling that "L" was going to change her mind she told me that she was sorry she was right she wanted to be wrong. I asked her to please go to my house and remove everything that had anything to do with the baby. I couldn't go home and look at the room all set up and I didn't want my son to have to look at it either.

Jeff said should we go to the hospital? I said for what, he said to say goodbye to the baby. I said absolutely NOT I want to go get my son and go home we don't belong here. Shes not going to change her mind we need to go home now. But first we called a social worker to ask her advice. She did our homestudy so she knew our situation she knew what was going on. I could hear it in her voice how sorry she was. The pity. I despise pity!!!  I honestly don't even recall the advice she had given us. My mind was racing and all I could think was get me home to my son. Our truck was packed with baby stuff. I thought well if we go pick Matthew up he will have to look at all this stuff and wonder where his baby brother is. So I called my sister in law and asked that she please drive Matthew to us when we arrived home.

Our drive home was quiet. But we held hands. Jeff and I are very good at the hard stuff. We have been through worse than this. We get through it together.

We arrived home around 7 PM. My BIL and SIL pulled up with Matthew around 730. This was it this was the moment we had to tell him what happened. How was I going to tell him? I sat on the couch and watched him open the door. Once  he saw me he ran to me. I haven't seen him in three days so we were just so happy to see each other. He looked around and he said where is baby John? I said you know Matthew God really wants the three of us to be together just me you and daddy for always. "And John? No honey, not John. Just me you and daddy. Why not john? Because she changed her mind. "L" changed her mind. He looked at me and it clicked. He knew and he started to cry. I cried with him but then Jeff said hey do you want to see the puppy we will shop for this weekend? And just like that he wiped his tears and was so excited about puppy shopping. We were all so relieved.

The craziest part to all this was that after all my tears and how betrayed I felt I still wondered how L was doing.  We talked everyday for 5 months. We formed what I thought was a great friendship. It was never about the baby it was about our friendship. I swear if she would of just told me how she was feeling that night in the hospital I would have understood. I would of cried with her but I would of understood.

The saddest part of everything is what that baby missed out on. Matthew would of been the best big brother. Jeff and I aren't perfect but we love each other and we are good parents. He missed out on his own room, and unconditional love from all of us and our families. "L" missed out to. She would of been apart of us. Our family. She and her daughter would of been taken care of and loved as well. To me open adoption is the only option. It's how my heart operates.  Unfortunately "L" and her TWO children will be homeless now and that's the saddest part of this entire story. I pray Gods peace for her heart and for protection over them all.

Written By Dina
Adoptive Mom
Group Member

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