Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Open Adoption - A Birthmother's Story

Hi my name is Angela ..... I am 25 years old.

Well I'm going to start off by explaining to you my life growing up and how things can come about in life so you can see how and why adoption is so important in my life....as a woman who gave her son up at 17 years old....

I was raised by my mother who was a single mother. My father and her had a lot of hate towards one another because of his infidelity, so from that my father wasn't really in my life growing up.  I dealt with a lot of broken promises... so growing up it was just my mother and I until I turned 8 years old..... When I was 8 years old my mother had a baby boy who became everything to me, like he was my child..lol.. seriously!!  As the years went by my mother ended up getting married.  I was 13 at the time and the thought of having another man in my life I didn't really like.  That's when rebelling from my mother started to come about.  Growing up I was always heavy set, so at 16 years old a friend of my mother's sponsored me to go to a weight loss camp.  I ended up going to a weight loss camp and losing about 105 pounds. When I came back home from the camp I had the body of all bodies, which led to me losing my virginity and in November of 2007 I ended up pregnant.

I didn't find out I was actually pregnant until I was five months along, the reason why it took me so long to find out was because had a cyst on my ovary.  I can remember like if it was yesterday... I was in my living room in a lot of pain.  When my mother got home I was on the floor crying, so she rushed me to the hospital.  Coinsidently the same day I was rushed to the hospital, my cousin was giving birth to her twins; which was crazy to me.  Anyways... when I got to the hospital usually they check ur pee to check if your pregnant.  This time they didn't so I went for a sonogram because of my cyst and the doctor paused and said "you know your pregnant right?". I said "WHAT!!!!!" Mind you during this time my mother was outside the room hearing me scream and I started crying cause I didn't know what was happening.  I'm 17 now! I'm having a baby! I didn't know how to wipe my butt - now I have a baby in my stomach.  On top of that I was smoking and drinking and partying.  I was sooooooooo lost!  When my mother came in, the doctor paused the sonogram right on the baby and all my mother said was "ANGELA PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHAT I THINK IT IS!!!" OMG just writing that gave me chills... and of course the first thing that came to mind was abortion.  I wasn't ready to be a mom.

So the next day my mother brought me to the abortion clinic. I was scared because people were outside protesting seeing me go in.  I was embarrassed but my mother just so happened to take one of there forms for whatever the case was which I didn't know at the time what it was for.  When I got into the abortion clinic and seeing the videos about it, I wasn't ready for it.   Honestly speaking I went in and asked them what I was having. The woman replied "A GIRL" and then said " YOUR TOO FAR ALONG". I felt at ease cause I really had a change of heart so my mother and I left.  Now we had to tell my step dad what was going on.  Ughh I was def scared lol.

The paper my mother took was about adoption which I didn't really know too much about.  So we ended up going to this adoption place which was a Catholic agency.  Now I don't want you to think that my mother was a happy camper - she wasn't.  OOOHHH LORD knows she wasn't!  So I was going through a lot of emotions.  So at the agency I ended up meeting this very nice woman named Carmen who she reminded me a lot like my grandmother.  Now the rules of my pregnancy was that I was not to tell anyone even the father because that would have changed the process of the adoption which I didn't feel was right but I was afraid,  so I listened and didn't tell anyone in the family.

Honestly speaking with my cousin having twins at 19 and now me, I think my mother didn't want to have a child also who is a teen with a baby.  So I listened to everything I went the rest of my pregnancy alone.  I spoke to my belly everyday which I started to bond with the fact i was having a baby.  I had no one to really communicate with I couldn't hang with my friends cause they all were partying and smoking.  I couldn't be around that so i started looking at how I was going to live my life with a child I couldn't bare to think what would happened honestly.  So adoption started to grow on me just a little because I didn't have his dad in the picture plus he wasn't ready either.

Later on when I was around 8 months that's when I found out I was having a BOY.....

On Aug 3rd 2008, the movie Dark Knight came out and I really wanted to see it.  So I went with some friends and in the movie I started to have contractions.  I didn't know what they were, I thought I was just uncomfortable... plus I didn't know walking increases it.  Like I said I wasn't ready for a baby.  So that night I got in trouble. I was nine months pregnant in Manhattan when I live in Brooklyn plus no one knew.  When I got home my mother was beyond upset - I got in so much trouble.  My mother thought I was actually lying so I went the night in pain.  The next day I had a doctors appointment and when he did the sonogram he said "Oh No! YOUR water broke u have no fluids Go to the hospital!!"

So my mother and I rushed to the hospital.  They checked to see how far I was dilated and I was only 1cm.  They told me to go home.  That night I went through a lot of pain and cried and cried.  The next day Aug 5th my mother just so happened to have jury duty and couldn't get out of it so my social worker Carmen came to bring me.  Let me tell you having contractions is no joke.  Getting to the hospital felt like years and all I wanted to do was walk lol. So when I got to the hospital I was throwing up crying! I was a mess!  I remember saying I wanted them to cut me open and the doctor said no lol.  I didn't know how to push lol.  About 2 hours later I told the doctor I had to poop and about 15 doctors walk in.  I was like "OK OK I DON'T HAVE TO POOP" lol.  They told me the baby was coming!  At that point my mother walked in and at 11:37am Matthew was born...

I remember looking at him and it still didn't hit me I just had a baby.  That very next day I went to feed him breakfast lunch and dinner.  I couldn't leave him alone knowing I was there.  I cant lie to you, I was having a change of heart asking myself questions like "why couldn't I just keep him?", "Should I tell his dad?" "Why couldn't my mom help me through the process?"  So on August 7th I left the hospital.  Not being able to see my baby destroyed me honestly.  Days later I met the family that adopted my son and I couldn't have been more at ease.  I got so lucky because from the moment I met them I knew they were two very special people - Dina And Jeff.  Although I did go through a lot of heart aches, the only thing that mattered was my sons well being and deep inside I knew it was the best choice.  My son deserves the world and I wouldn't have been able to give it to him.

After the process on holidays and birthday they will let me see him.  They taught him that he has two mommy's - one that gave him life and one that will be his protector.  I couldn't be more grateful. For about three years I cried a lot with my choice because I went through a lot!  I ended up in a abusive relationship and then loosing everything.... but just hearing Matthews voice I knew I had to work harder to show him I did something with my life.

I am now a teacher and I moved to Florida to get away from my life I was having in New York. I needed a cleaning up in my life. I turned to God and I was able to tell people my story without feeling scared cause holding it in was eating me up alive.  Now I can sit here and say I love the choice I made because God knows where Matthew and I would have been.

I just want to say thank you too Dina and Jeff because now Matthew is 7 years old and he is a handsome smart kid who is my little twin but has a great heart and loving just like his parents...

Written By Angela
Birth Mother

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