Hi my name is Angela ..... I am 25 years old.
Well I'm going to start off by explaining
to you my life growing up and how things can come about in life so you can
see how and why adoption is so important in my life....as a woman who
gave her son up at 17 years old....
I was raised by my mother who was a
single mother. My father and her had a lot of hate towards one another
because of his infidelity, so from that my father wasn't really in my
life growing up. I dealt with a lot of broken promises... so growing up
it was just my mother and I until I turned 8 years old..... When I was 8
years old my mother had a baby boy who became everything to me, like he
was my child..lol.. seriously!! As the years went by my mother ended up
getting married. I was 13 at the time and the thought of having
another man in my life I didn't really like. That's when rebelling from
my mother started to come about. Growing up I was always heavy set,
so at 16 years old a friend of my mother's sponsored me to go to a
weight loss camp. I ended up going to a weight loss camp and losing
about 105 pounds. When I came back home from the camp I had the body
of all bodies, which led to me losing my virginity and in November of
2007 I ended up pregnant.
I didn't find out I was
until I was five months along, the reason why it took me so long to find
because had a cyst on my ovary. I can remember like if it was
yesterday... I was in my living room in a lot of pain. When my mother
home I was on the floor crying, so she rushed me to the hospital.
same day I was rushed to the hospital, my cousin was giving birth to
twins; which was crazy to me. Anyways... when I got to the hospital
usually they check ur pee to check if your pregnant. This time they
so I went for a sonogram because of my cyst and the doctor paused and
"you know your pregnant right?". I said "WHAT!!!!!" Mind you during
this time my mother was outside the room hearing me scream and I started
crying cause I didn't know what was happening. I'm 17 now! I'm having a
didn't know how to wipe my butt - now I have a baby in my stomach. On
of that I was smoking and drinking and partying. I was sooooooooo
lost! When my
mother came in, the doctor paused the sonogram right on the baby and all
my mother said was "ANGELA PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHAT I THINK IT
IS!!!" OMG just writing that gave me chills... and of course the first
thing that came to mind was abortion. I wasn't ready to be a mom.
the next day my mother brought me to the abortion clinic. I was scared
because people were outside protesting seeing me go in. I was
embarrassed but my mother just so happened to take one of there forms
for whatever the case was which I didn't know at the time what it was
for. When I got into the abortion clinic and seeing the videos about
it, I wasn't ready for it. Honestly speaking I went in and asked them
what I was having. The woman replied "A GIRL" and then said " YOUR TOO
FAR ALONG". I felt at ease cause I really had a change of heart so my
mother and I left. Now we had to tell my step dad what was going on. Ughh I was def scared lol.
The paper my mother took was about
adoption which I didn't really know too much about. So we ended up
going to this adoption place which was a Catholic agency. Now I don't
want you to think that my mother was a happy camper - she wasn't. OOOHHH
LORD knows she wasn't! So I was going through a lot of emotions. So at
the agency I ended up meeting this very nice woman named Carmen who she
reminded me a lot like my grandmother. Now the rules of my pregnancy
was that I was not to tell anyone even the father because that
would have changed the process of the adoption which I didn't feel was right
but I was afraid, so I listened and didn't tell anyone in the family.
speaking with my cousin having twins at 19 and now me, I think my
mother didn't want to have a child also who is a teen with a baby. So I
listened to everything I went the rest of my pregnancy alone. I spoke
to my belly everyday which I started to bond with the fact i was
having a baby. I had no one to really communicate with I couldn't hang
with my friends cause they all were partying and smoking. I couldn't be
around that so i started looking at how I was going to live my life with
a child I couldn't bare to think what would happened honestly. So
to grow on me just a little because I didn't have his dad in the
plus he wasn't ready either.
Later on when I was around 8 months
that's when I found out I was having a BOY.....
On Aug 3rd 2008, the movie
Dark Knight came out and I really wanted to see it. So I went with some
friends and in the movie I started to have contractions. I didn't know what they were, I
thought I was just uncomfortable... plus I didn't know walking increases
it. Like I said I wasn't ready for a baby. So that night I got in
trouble. I was nine months pregnant in Manhattan when I live in Brooklyn
plus no one knew. When I got home my mother was beyond upset - I got in
so much trouble. My mother thought I was actually lying so I went the
night in pain. The next day I had a doctors appointment and when he
did the sonogram he said "Oh No! YOUR water broke u have no fluids Go to
So my mother and I rushed to the hospital. They checked to see how far I was dilated and I was only 1cm. They told me to go
home. That night I went through a lot of pain and cried and cried. The next day Aug 5th
my mother just so happened to have jury duty and couldn't get out of it
so my social worker Carmen came to bring me. Let me tell you having
contractions is no joke. Getting to the hospital felt like years and
all I wanted to do was walk lol. So when I got to the hospital I was
throwing up crying! I was a mess! I remember saying I wanted them to
cut me open and the doctor said no lol. I didn't know how to push lol.
About 2 hours later I told the doctor I had to poop and about 15
walk in. I was like "OK OK I DON'T HAVE TO POOP" lol. They told me
the baby was coming! At that point my mother walked in and at 11:37am
Matthew was born...
I remember looking at him and it
still didn't hit me I just had a baby. That very next day I went to
feed him breakfast
lunch and dinner. I couldn't leave him alone knowing I was there. I
cant lie to you, I was having a change of heart asking myself questions
like "why couldn't I just keep him?", "Should I tell his dad?" "Why
couldn't my mom help me through the process?" So on August 7th
I left the hospital. Not being able to see my baby destroyed me
honestly. Days later I met the family that adopted my son and I
have been more at ease. I got so lucky because from the moment I met
them I knew they were two very special people - Dina And Jeff. Although
I did go through a lot of heart aches, the only thing that mattered was
my sons well being and deep inside I knew it was the best choice. My
deserves the world and I wouldn't have been able to give it to him.
process on holidays and birthday they will let me see him. They taught him
that he has two mommy's - one that gave him life and one that will be his
protector. I couldn't be more grateful. For about three years I
cried a lot with my choice because I went through a lot! I ended up in a
abusive relationship and then loosing everything.... but just hearing
Matthews voice I knew I had to work harder to show him I did something
with my life.
am now a teacher and I moved to Florida to get away from
my life I was having in New York. I needed a cleaning up in my life. I
turned to God and I was able to tell people my story without feeling
scared cause holding it in was eating me up alive. Now I can sit here
and say I love the choice I made because God knows where Matthew and I
would have been.
I just want to say thank you too Dina and Jeff
because now Matthew is 7 years old and he is a handsome smart kid who is
my little twin but has a great heart and loving just like his parents...
Written By Angela
Join us at our next meeting! Check out our website for details!