Sunday, October 4, 2015

He is...

He is not my blood!

That statement has a lot of subtext for most.  If he is not my blood, is he not mine?  If he is not my DNA, is he therefore less important to me?   Blood relations link a certain responsibility, whether you are ready for it or even whether you even want it.  Everyone says, “Blood is thicker than water."  You can love another person, but never like you can love your own creation - your own blood.

I think I got caught in this trap for a short while.  It is a thing that most people never even think about because their children are their blood.  When you contemplate it, the whole thing is ridiculous.  You love your spouse with all your heart.  You vow to honor, cherish, love, and protect until, "Death do you part."  If you can love another person that deeply, some would say unconditionally, why would a child be any different?  I understood this intellectually, logically, but not sure I truly understood it emotionally until we received the call that we had been chosen by 2 amazing people to adopt their blood.

I remember the day and everything about that moment.  I was sitting in a chair at the dining room table working from home, listening to music (and I will never forget the song) when my wife conferenced me into the call and our social worker, Tammy, gave us the news.  My eyes welled up and my heart raced.  And I still had no idea of how I would be changed.

On Monday, November 11th, 2013 our son was born.  We were in the room and witnessed his birth.

That day changed all of our lives and I will write extensively about how amazing the birthparents both are and how open adoption has been such an amazing part of this journey, but those will be for a later time.

I think back to that day and my eyes water and my heart aches in my chest.  I chose to be his father just as I chose to be my wife’s husband.  This was not something society placed upon me.  This was not something my family placed upon me.  This was a choice that I made with my eyes wide open.
But here I must be honest, I made that choice before he was born.  After holding him in my arms for that first time, I no longer had a choice.  I did not want him to be my son or decide that he would be my son.  He just is.  There is no easy way to describe it.  When something is so obvious, so simple, so true.  It does not need to be anything, do anything, represent anything.  There is no verb as strong as "is”.  It is a statement of being, of truth.  I know so few truths, and I know none as true as, “he is my son.”

He is the first truly unconditional love I have ever known.  We all like to believe that our love for our spouse is unconditional, but we also all know (except for honeymooners maybe) that this is not true.

 We can betray each other, hurt each other, do unspeakable things that can lead to our marriage ending.  None of us wants that and we hope it never happens, but we know that it is a possibility.

 With him, there are NO conditions.  He can ignore me, tell me to go away, he can disavow himself of me and I will still love him. I don’t know how not to.

I never thought I would be able to love this way, to be this vulnerable.

Blood is greater than water, but love is greater than blood.

He is my redemption.

He is my compassion.

He is my love.


Written by Noah
Group Member
Adoptive Parent
Future father of two!

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