Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Is she thinking of him today?

The cold weather is upon us... we have officially turned off the A/C and are contemplating putting on the heat.  We try so hard not too for we know that means shorts and tank top time is over.  Another year to wait for the beach!

But it's during these times that we spend more time with family and friends and share moments that will last a lifetime.  We go pumpkin picking and apple picking with others. We start to think about the gifts we are going to buy one another.  We think of our budgets and the money we never seem to have in the bank for the holidays, but always seem to figure it out in the end. We set up breakfasts with friends and their children to create special moments.  The kids may not realize what we are doing but they will one day.

I sit here and think of all that I am grateful for and all the special moments that I am going to witness over just the next few months.  For us we celebrate Christmas and just the thought of waking up (exhausted) seeing my kids faces when they know Santa has come, already makes me smile.  Knowing the Halloween party for the group is coming up for kids is exciting knowing that so many families will meet and create new bonds.

But the one thing I think of right now is the moments that are being created over the next few months will be something L's birth mother will be anxiously awaiting to hear about in January.  We send pictures and letters to J each year.   I get very excited when I take his picture at Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's (which is his birthday),  knowing that a simple click of the camera will make someone very happy.  That this one moment and blink of our eye, will be forever put on her nightstand. 

Many people might hear what I do on a daily basis and think that I think of adoption all the time.  I actually don't.  I probably think about it when I am at a meeting or if L brings it up.  But explaining to a new member how the adoption process works is kind of second nature now and it really doesn't seem like I'm speaking of adoption - I feel like I am speaking of creating a family.   But I will be honest, when September and October hits I think about it all the time. Preparing my letter to J in my head.  Going through all the details of what L did this year that I can't wait to write down.  The trips, the milestones, the silly things 5 years olds say, the books he likes, anything at all.  I know she wants as much as I can provide.  I spend hours typing up paragraph upon paragraph for her to read. 

Over the last couple years I decided to best way for me to remember so many details is to write each section by the month.  I go through thousands and thousands of pictures for her and make sure she gets enough to make her feel like she was there!  As I write the details I tear up every time.  Is she sitting at home waiting for this?  Is she looking at the moon knowing that we are staring at the same one?  Does she secretly hope that one day we bump into each other?  What goes through her mind?  What is she thinking when she sees his beautiful face?  Does it give her any comfort knowing he is loved more than the world?  That he is safe and warm?  I want to be a fly on the wall so bad.  

I hope one day I can ask her what she was feeling around this time while I sit and think of her... Is she thinking of us tonight while I write this blog?  One day I know I will find out... but until then ... I enjoy creating moments!

Written by

Group Co-Leader
Adoptive mom

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