Monday, January 11, 2016

I'm only human...

The feelings don't go away even after u have adopted. They might be tucked deep down but then something will happen to bring them right back to the surface. The bitterness, jealousy, sadness and yearning. 

Let me explain. I had a failed adoption last February. She changed her mind in the hospital. I cried, we grieved and we moved on. I strongly believe in Jesus Christ and I know everything happens for a reason. 

Someone in our adoption group recently bought home a 👶 baby boy. She, like me was NOT looking to adopt. The situation came to her. Everytime she talked about it I felt angry and bitter. I couldn't even bring myself to congratulate her. Very unlike me. I even thought to myself well her birthmother may very well change her mind also. But she didn't. 

Today was the day I saw the baby. Sitting in my car waiting to go into the party I could see them getting everything together to bring the baby in. I wanted to go home and cry. Why?? Why did she get to bring home a beautiful baby boy being a single mother and I couldn't??? It's not fair!! 😌 

Later on, I walked over to the stroller looked down at the beautiful boy and the 😭😭 tears started flowing. But then all the feelings of anger and resentment washed away. He's where he belongs. He has an incredible big brother and god doesn't make mistakes. 

You see these feelings don't go away once you become a mom. And we don't just feel this way about pregnant people. 

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